


Big Dreams and Little Hope

by TheGreatChickenbone



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drunk Sex, First Time, Kinks, M/M, Minor spoilers for seasons 7 & 8, Not drunk sex, PTSD and shitty side effects, There is actual plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2017-12-13 21:23:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatChickenbone/pseuds/TheGreatChickenbone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Dean's quest to actually feel like a normal human being and have fun, he and Sam head to Vegas only to discover more about each other than expected. Now they have to deal with those consequences because they can't afford to lose each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for weenchesterland on tumblr. The request was simple with some alcohol in Las Vegas and drunk sex. I turned it into something big and added touch of angst. This 'supposed to be one shot' gave me too many ideas. It's no longer that and I added more than asked for.
> 
> The setting for this is the beginning of season 8 before Cas. No particular place because it has a touch of canon divergence.
> 
> I had inspiration from Lana Del Rey's song Blue Jeans. I am not ashamed.

The lights are blinding and the first thing he notices as he opens his eyes. He sits up from leaning against the window and ignores the cramp in his neck as he turns to look over at Dean. The look on Sam's face makes it obvious that his brain has caught up to where they are and the annoyance he feels over this.

But Dean has that damn stupid look on his face. He is grinning before he even glances over at Sam.

"Oh come on, Sammy. We took care of those vamps, now we can have a little fun for once."

Dean is always looking for something to call fun. Sam's annoyance falls from his face and he shakes his head in amazement. He knows it's true. He looks around them to see what they are passing as they go down the street and he gives in. At least they are done with the hunt. That makes it more forgivable.

"Best part is, not only are we going to have fun, but I can hustle some poker money out of this."

"Remember the last time you played poker?" Sam says tossing Dean an amused glance before his eyes go back to scanning the buildings that are all lit up.

"Remember the last time you were in Vegas?" 

Hit him were it hurts, "how was that sexless marriage, Sam?"

"Oh shut up," Sam just shudders at the thought and slumps his shoulders. He'll be careful to not run into some crazy, witch working fan girl this time. Besides, going to Vegas was sort of a tradition to them. They just haven't been here since that thing with Becky and Sam decides maybe he can get past that and actually have fun. 

"I think you forgot how to enjoy yourself." 

Another glare from Sam and Dean is laughing. "Seriously?"

Dean never says things like that without being serious so as Sam walks into the first casino with Dean his brother is already ushering him to the bar for a drink. 'To help him loosen up' as Dean put it. 

Sam needs it. Out of all the times they played pretend and said they were FBI or something else, it never really felt wrong to lie like that, but Sam really doesn't think he fits in too well with this scene. Maybe it's because he really has forgotten how to have fun while everyone else around him is. 

This calls for another drink and he watches as Dean saunters off before downing his first and getting a second.

By the time Sam runs across Dean again he's clumsy and most likely making people nervous because there's nothing quite like having a tree of a man stumbling around. 

Some how Dean has managed to actually hustle his way around the place without losing his youth or something and has a bucket of coins to cash in later. He's grinning like an idiot and when he notices Sam is drunk his eyes go wide in amusement.

"Dude, did you stay at the bar this whole time?"

"Uh, well..." Sam pauses to think for a minute and looks like he's about to topple over before Dean reaches up and places his hand on Sam's shoulder. 

"I had to look for the restroom and that took a lot of time...?" Sam at least has half of his mind left and he realizes that he spent a ridiculous amount of time drinking. Maybe he should regret that? It wasn't like that was all he did because he remembers having a few conversations with some of the other people drinking. He knows for sure he had talked to some pretty brunette back there too before she wondered off.

He frowns and shakes his head in disappointment at himself, "I'm drunk."

"No, you're sloshed. What the hell, Sammy? When I said have fun I didn't mean drink yourself to oblivion." 

Dean had a few drinks himself, but he can handle his liquor. He was tipsy, sure, but not falling over drunk. "How many did you have, anyway?"

"Four?" He thinks. He didn't have enough money on him to get more than that. Those drinks at the bar are very expensive. 

Dean rolls his eyes and that makes Sam feel bad for even finding Dean because this means that the roll of big brother is about to come in (which means Dean has to leave his own fun.)

"Come on, we're going back to the room," Dean pulls Sam by the shoulder, but loses his grip when Sam jerks away.

"No, Dean. I'm fine. You don't have to watch over me, you know."

Dean's face twist into a stern look that means Sam can't argue with him, "yes, I do. As long as you act like a child. Which you are, by the way."

"Dean... I said I'm fine." Though the room is spinning and he really wants to sit down.

"I said we are going back to the room! Now."

And oh god, there are people staring at them now. Sam knows those looks because they get them often. It's not one of, we know you are brothers and he's looking out for you. It's one that says, there's some domestic fight happening between a gay couple.

So his reaction is to giggle. He actually giggles and it leaves Dean looking at him with the widest eyes ever. Sam looks back at him and wonders why he couldn't be blessed with those beautiful greens.

He's lost in them which means he's lost the argument as well.

After the uncomfortable stare down on Dean's part they get back to the room. 

The oldest Winchester still hasn't forgotten that way Sam had looked at him. No one should really look that hard at their brother in such amazement. It was more uncomfortable than Cas. Especially since Dean has grown more comfortable with that stare, but Sam's, no.

Dean hears Sam shuffling around in the bathroom and decides to take the chance to snag a drink from the mini fridge without Sam wanting one as well. 

The room is high-end. Dean made sure they were going to go all out with this 'vacation'. It is okay, especially since he has enough money from hustling and a few fair games for the room plus a little extra for a couple of weeks on the road. It did mean they only got one bed though.

But it's a king and it's so soft, Dean finds this out as he lays back on it, careful to not spill his drink, and practically drowns in the down comforter. He gives a very pleased sigh and hopes he can sleep tonight. He's so comfortable that he almost forgets Sam.

"You okay in there, Sam?" he calls and looks towards the door.

His brother comes out and his face is damp. Dean can tell that Sam has been trying to clear his head some. He doesn't think it works considering Sam stumbles a bit before coming to sit at the edge of the bed.

"Yeah," he mumbles and rubs at his head. Dean isn't sure if Sam is just regretting his decision or if he's miserable from too much alcohol, but either way it serves him right. Dean thinks this at first, wanting to make the sly comment, but then he feels bad because they are supposed to be having fun.

Sam glances over his shoulder when he feels Dean scooting to the edge of the bed with him and the warm hand that is placed on his back. He smiles weakly, "sorry if I ruined your fun."

"Na. It's kind of funny seeing you drunk. Just don't turn into a serious and angsty drunk, okay? I need that fun you."

Sam nods. He tries to lighten his mood, but he's not all that certain what he's feeling now.

"It'll be better if we were both on the same level," Dean chuckles before he gulps down the rest of his drink. He places the bottle on the floor by his feet to get it out of the way and avoid getting up. He knows he isn't getting on Sam's level though, but at least he feels the warmth of alcohol in him.

"Man, I wish we always were."

Dean senses Sam staying on the serious side and frowns, "okay, Sam. Let's play a game or something?"

"No, I mean it Dean," and here comes the drunk babble, "we don't always see eye to eye. It's so frustrating and I wish I didn't have a reason to argue half the time-"

"Sam."

"Let me finish. Dean, you are the most important person to me. I mean that. I left Amelia for you, man. I left my normal life. And I am sorry I didn't look for you-"

"Sammy, shut up. Okay? We're good. Don't make me change my mind."

"But..."

"You're going to piss me off."

And that ends it. Sam glances away and huffs out a breath before he turns his head back to fully look at Dean.

Dean sees that look again. The one that made him uncomfortable before. It's like Sam is trying to see something that humans just can't so it's getting him nowhere. It pains Dean because it reminds him of what he has lost. 

At least he's gained Sam. Broken as his brother may be. Still, he doesn't turn away from the look this time. Dean is convinced he's had too much alcohol now. He had a few drinks while he was playing poker and black jack and whatever else he found so he's had maybe six and while that didn't do him in he's feeling light headed and reckless.

He knows he's being really stupid when he leans in closer to Sam and it gets worse when Sam leans in as well. Then their lips are touching. It's soft and not needy like the ache Dean has in his soul is. 

This isn't brotherly at all, but it also isn't full of lust and demands either. Not until Dean's aching soul and need pushes it's way up and he needs to feel something physical so he groans between their lips and presses harder. He moves his hand up and fingers tangle into Sam's hair, yanking him closer.

He allows himself to be pressed into the bed as Sam leans over him. Sam takes that need and makes it a part of himself and their mouths both open to let the growl that is barely heard in their ears come between them. Neither of them are sure who made that noise, but it doesn't even matter by this point.

Sam pulls away and he watches as Dean's eyes open. He knows the emptiness Dean feels. Knows that someone needs to make it right and Sam is all Dean has left to do that. So he takes it upon himself to make it his duty.

Dean moves. He's sitting up and pulling of his shirt, tossing it to the side and then he moves to be on the bed right. His head laying back on pillows too soft and Sam is memorized at the simple things he has seen before, but sees differently now.

Dean's hands go to his belt and unhooks it before going to do the same to his jeans. Then he's lifting his hips and pushing all of his clothing away. 

They had kicked their shoes off upon entering the room so their is no hassle there, but Sam's lips quirk up into a smile when Dean is left in nothing but his socks.

"Oh come on man, it's supposed to be sexy and you look like you're trying to not bust a gut." He realizes he's telling his brother that he wants to be sexy for him, but this situation has already gotten out of hand and when is he not horny? He hasn't gotten any since before Purgatory. That's like, almost two years!

He expects Sam to laugh, but he doesn't.

"You are," and he sounds like he means it drunk or sober. Then he cracks a grin. He doesn't laugh, but he is amused, "you look silly with just socks and a raging boner."

Dean glares at Sam and sits up, tugging off both his socks and tosses them.

"What are you waiting for? Ride 'em cowboy."

Sam pauses from making any other move as he looks at Dean with disbelief. Leave it to Dean to say something so incredibly lame. He always does no matter the situation.

He rolls his eyes when Dean grins back at him and gestures towards his dick as if expecting it to happen. Right. Fucking. Now.

The first thing Sam does after that is remove his socks. He doesn't want to look like an ass like Dean did. He strips the rest of his clothes, the whole time Dean watches so closely and still grinning his stupid grin.

When Sam is naked he crawls up the bed, ends up next to Dean in two movements. He's clumsy still, the allure of sex not helping him keep grace. Instead he topples slightly and an elbow goes into Dean's rib as Sam tries to right himself to lean over Dean from where he sits sideways, on the bed and facing him.

Dean groans in pain and rubs at his rib, "dammit, be careful." He doesn't stay angry because he can't with Sam leaning forward and pressing a hesitant kiss to Dean's chest and then to the spot he hurt.

When Sam leans back up and away from Dean's skin his eyes scan his brother, "ride what now?"

"Me," Dean's breath is caught in his throat as Sam leans closer, their lips barely brushing. He feels the soft breath as Sam chuckles. 

Dean can tell one of the things Sam did in the bathroom was brush his teeth. The smell of mint is much more exciting than alcohol and his own breath. Sam doesn't seem to mind though.

"I'm too big, jerk. That would be awkward."

"Then get on your hands and knees like the bitch you are."

Dean feels another chuckle against his lips and this time Sam presses a little more and their lips move together slowly before Sam pulls back again.

"Yeah, whatever," this time he's too far away and Dean wants to attempt to pull him back, but stops as Sam's fingers move slowly over his abdomen, right between his belly button and his dick. Dean's hips move with the touch, begging Sam silently to go lower. He likes being teased before the big finish though so he doesn't say a thing out loud.

Dean's body is so hyper sensitive after so long of not even being able to keep it up. And he's not laughing about that. Purgatory does some things to a person like PTSD along with it's shitty side effects. Here he is though and his body is reacting so well to Sam. To the idea of what Sam can do to him. To the idea of someone strong and demanding having him. 

He is already leaking precum and Sam's fingers move to it, rubbing the fluid to his palm. It makes it so easy when he finally wraps his hand around Dean's length. It's slick and Sam takes advantage of that.

Dean isn't even sure if Sam is hard anymore so he moves his eyes from Sam's hand working over him and to where his brother's crotch is right there in such close distance to where his own hand is balled into the comforter.

He moves his hand, trails it over Sam's thigh. A light feather touch that has Sam squirming and his hand slipping away from Dean's dick a couple of times until he makes himself stay against the touch. Dean's hand finally gets there. He finds that Sam is indeed hard, just a little less wet. He plans to change that and wraps his hand around a stiff length, jerks his hand in time with Sam's.

Sam lets out the most amazing sound Dean has ever heard from his little brother. He realizes that he's not all that quiet himself, but he's never been ashamed of making noise during sex. Sam doesn't seem so comfortable with it though and is biting down on his lips, eyes screwed tightly shut. So Dean picks up his own voice. He makes it obvious he is making noise and isn't ashamed so why should Sam be.

When Sam hears Dean he opens his eyes and looks down at him and he loves the sound and the absolute bliss on Dean's face.

"That's right, baby boy. You keep your eyes open."

Sam doesn't even look at Dean wrong for calling him that. He's too far gone and it might just aid him in getting further trapped. 

Dean cums first. He kind of expected it. At least he didn't flag anytime during it like he had when he tried to touch himself before.

His breath is shaky now and he wants to stay still, enjoy the feeling that lingered from his orgasm, but Sam is priority. He moves his hand faster, feels Sam's hips jerking into his movements and becoming frantic.

Sam's hand was still wrapped around him and he feels it release, but fingers still brushing against him. He can tell Sam is closer and closer, especially as he feels the brush of Sam's fingers curling and uncurling into the sticky mess left by Dean.

It's over soon and Dean pumps through the aftershocks of Sam's release. His brother gasp, body shaking, not being able to handle the touch. Dean doesn't let go. He doesn't let go until Sam starts to move away from his hand.

Sam's legs are cramped from having them folded under him through the entire thing. He moves to lay down and can feel the blood trying to flow more freely in them. His mind is swimming. Alcohol and post orgasm was a hell of a combination.

He hears Dean chuckle next to him and turns his head. Their eyes catch and Dean lifts his hand, tongue lapping over the mess on it. He only cringes slightly at first contact to tongue, but he cleans it all off of his hand. 

"Dean..." Sam doesn't know what to say so his words fall short and Dean notices so picks up on conversation.

"You know how awkward it is to jack a guy off with your left hand? And from this angle?"

Sam lets out a breathy laugh and shakes his head, "can't say that I do."

"Well I can. Now." Dean smiles before closing his eyes and wishes he was more full on alcohol because what the hell explains his actions? He is only a little drunk, but he has a clear head. Kind of. He isn't going to let himself ruin the mood though. He likes the after glow of what they did.

"Can..." Sam pauses until Dean is looking at him again, "I would still like to know how that riding thing works." He means it as he wants to do that at that moment.

Dean shakes his head, gives a playful smile and then decides maybe he can tell Sam how he just couldn't, "you're lucky I was even able to get it up for you. I... It just hasn't been right since," he doesn't finish, but Sam understands. 

He doesn't push and he isn't even hard to need more. It would have been nice and his stamina could handle more, but he gets what Dean means. 

They both drift off shortly after talking and comfortable with the after bliss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hunt turns deadly.

Sam wakes up feeling nauseous, stomach rolling like there's an ocean inside of him. He knows right off it's because he had too much to drink the night before. His stomach didn't like handling too much alcohol the next day. It was safe to say his head only hurt a small bit. He can handle it. Hell, he can handle the stomach ache with a bottle of Pepto and having some food in him.

Until then he has to sit up, put his head between his knees or something. He gets half way there and wonders just how drunk he had to be to be naked in a bed with his brother. This must mean he's in for an embarrassing story when Dean wakes up and Sam just hopes nothing happened out in public. 

"Hey, don't get sick in the bed," Dean's voice is clear. There was no sign of sleep present in his tone so Sam can tell he's been up for a while. He just can't muster up the will to look at his brother. Light is spilling in through the windows, bright as hell and Sam doesn't want to test the simple throb in his head yet.

"What time is it?" He mumbles, wiping a hand over his face to clear sleepy eyes and dried drool all at once.

"9:36. We got room services and it looks awesome. You should eat. Come on, Sammy. Rise and shine." Dean has already picked through some of it as he tried to hold off making a real meal out of it until his brother was up to eat with him.

"What? You're not going to fix me a plate so I can have breakfast in bed?" This time he looks over at Dean and catches him snagging a piece of bacon. Sam laughs, letting out a huff at how unbelievably _Dean_ the other was sometimes.

"Don't think you can be a girl now just because of last night."

Sam hears the mocking tone in Dean's voice and has to question what the hell his brother means, but first he has to jump up and run to the bathroom. His stomach really wasn't loving the alcohol now that it was empty of any food he had ate the day before.

When he comes out he's miserable and knows he needs food bad, but instead he sits at the side of the bed closest to Dean. He pulls the sheet over his lap before looking up to see his brother handing out a plate to him. 

"I get breakfast in bed anyway?"

Dean just grunts and makes his own plate before sitting down next to Sam, causing the younger brother to shift over a small bit in discomfort. He knows he shouldn't be freaking out internally, but he remembers what they did the night before. He didn't remember every small detail, but enough that he wasn't sure how to react now.

"Too late to act shy now," and though it comes out of Dean's mouth there is no other reaction. He just continues eating. Sam does notice Dean is not looking at him when he says it though.

"You're okay with this?"

"Don't we regret enough junk already?"

"But Dean, this is different!"

"Christ, Sam! What's so damn bad about it? Did we kill someone? No one got hurt, so shut your trap." Dean goes back to eating and mumbles around a piece of bacon, "you weren't the one taking advantage of your baby brother."

Sam sighs because that's just like Dean. He doesn't let Sam freak out, but he guilt trips himself, "it's not like that, Dean."

"Then what are you complaining for?"

Awkward. Seriously. Sam doesn't even know what to say anymore. How is he supposed to handle what happened between them? They both had too much to drink, though Sam isn't so sure Dean was more than tipsy. That isn't what's bothering him and honestly maybe it should.

It doesn't though and that's because he's thought about it before. Some things needed to stay deep down inside and even Sam Winchester knew that.

It was silent for a long moment and they both ate the majority of their food before Sam longs for the awakened tension between them to break and when he speaks he hopes it's not the wrong thing to say, "so 'ride 'em cowboy', hu?" 

He chuckles at the memory of last night because he can't hide that he thinks it's hilarious.

"Sounded sexier in my head," Dean replies sheepishly with a shrug.

"Having Brokeback fantasies there, Dean?"

"There's nothin' sexier than a cowboy that can handle himself, am I right?"

Wow. Okay. Sam can't keep a straight face and he fails at holding back a laugh. He's barely able to straighten himself up from laughing so hard in time to catch his plate he almost topples over.

Sam can almost feel the glare Dean is giving him. His brother might have actually smacked him if he wasn't holding a plate with what was left of his breakfast.

"Do cowboys think wearing just socks is sexy too?"

Then Dean really does smack Sam's arm and the youngest Winchester jerks his opposite arm away, holding the plate of food as steady as he can to keep it from dropping.

"Hey!"

"You asked for it. As if I didn't feel self-conscious enough over that."

Dean probably means it as a joke, but Sam finds his throat going dry like he made a big mistake and he sits his plate down on the tray before turning back to Dean. 

"It was the best," Sam says it with all the sincerity he puts into everything he says when trying to reason with Dean. With a soul, Sam is always the most emotional person Dean has to put up with.

Dean believes it when Sam says this though and nods his head lightly before putting down his own tray and running crumbs from the biscuits off his hands, "yeah. I only used my hand, Sam."

Dean smirks lightly at his last remark and Sam rolls his eyes. If Dean is going to suggest them try actual sex he might have to make a break for the door. This is better though. This isn't so awkward if they can joke about 'the thing they shared' the night before.

"So you're really okay with what happened?" And Sam has to ask again because he has to be sure. He worries too much about such stupid things sometimes.

"Look... We can't lose each other now. Don't you think we've lost enough people in our lives? So if shit happens between us then we just leave it behind and keep going or we use it to our advantage.

"So if what we did is going to turn into some ugly argument or become the shame we suddenly bear then just leave it behind, but if it's our way of proving we need each other and that we care... Fine. We don't forget it happened and we use it as our last little line of something to hold on to."

Sam's mouth is left open in shock because he knows he should say something, but Dean has caught him so off guard. His older brother has changed so much. Purgatory left Dean so raw on emotion and Sam is sure it's probably everything from the past few years, but his brother is really starting to show some different side of himself.

"I'm... I'm not ashamed," he hopes he can hold up to that in court if needed.

"Me neither."

"Okay then."

"Okay."

"We should, uh, we should see if there's a case or something while Kevin is trying to figure out the tablet."

"Yeah. Why don't you go shower first?"

~*~*~*~

They head further south to investigate a bunch of livestock that has gone missing. The supposed chupacabra. (Sam guesses a werewolf.) Dean actually hopes for once they will be the first hunters to find an actual chupacabra. While hunters often talked of them none had actually seen this thing with their own eyes.

If a hunter doesn't see it, it's not real.  
Chupacabra are often a running joke to them.

No one is dying, which is different than their normal gig. It isn't like they are rushing since they don't know what to do without the tablet giving Kevin answers.

Now they find themselves in the middle of nowhere and a herd of cows of in the distance. 

"This is so lame," and normally Sam wouldn't be complaining, but come on! If they were going to do a hunt at a leisurely pace couldn't it be somewhere with a beach or something entertaining? They are standing in a big open field, a few trees of in the distance. The cows decide they prefer that area more and Sam doesn't really want to get too close to them.

"I think it's kinda cool."

Sam snorts and looks over at Dean. His brother is actually checking out the scenery around them. Sam isn't sure if it's because of all the things they've been through or because Dean has gotten old enough he just doesn't care what anyone thinks anymore. This about tops off the nerd thing.

"Dude?"

"What's wrong, Sam? Afraid to be roughing it a few nights?"

Sam was not afraid of roughing it. They are hunters meaning he was willing to rough it over being comfortable in a house. Still, he was coming up with a thousand stupid reasons as to why this was lame. One in particular, 'what if it isn't a chupacabra.' How are they going to know how to kill something they have no clue about? 

He's not about to say that out loud. The Internet was great for looking up lore for hunts but if Sam out right said he didn't want to be roughing it because he needed the Internet he would sound just like another everyday person who relies too much on their technology. 

That's not how they were raised. Their dad and Bobby both would be disappointed. Including countless other hunters.

"No. But I'm afraid you've watched Brokeback Mountain too many times."

"Just so you know, I've never seen that movie and I'm not into dudes."

This comment makes Sam stiffen up because he thought what they talked about earlier that day meant Dean was agreeing their was something between them.

Dean must sense what Sam is feeling because he quickly adds on, "that's different."

Sam isn't sure what that means, but he isn't consoled very much.

Later that night when the tent is up and they have a small fire going Dean tries to prove that what's between them is different. He's sitting next to Sam by the fire and he's so close their thighs are touching. He has his arm around Sam's shoulders, hand resting lightly on his arm. The other is holding a beer and it almost feels like normal. Almost. Except now Dean is doing this thing that makes sitting close feel intimate and it's strange and comforting all at once.

He sits his beer down on the ground next to him before he rest his arm over his legs, his hand brushing lightly over Sam's thigh. The arm he has around Sam tightens slightly enough to have Sam leaning over onto Dean. Sam rest his head in Dean's hold, though he's having to lean over in an uncomfortable way, but he doesn't mind because his sense are filled with _Dean_. His scent is strong and Sam likes it. So odd, but it is hard to deny it to himself.

Dean chuckles and it's nervous sounding. Sam doesn't take it personally because he's nervous too. This is awkward and there was no getting around it in the beginning. They've been _just_ brothers for way too long for this to not be awkward at all.

Still, neither of them move away.

Dean's hand that is on Sam's thigh moves between his legs and it's so automatic when Sam's legs part further. He has to lean the left side of his body in more towards Sam to massage his fingers into the muscles on the inside of Sam's thigh. They're practically facing each other now, knees knocking together as they try to shift their legs uncomfortably for their bodies to be closer together.

Sam feels self-conscious over how heavy his breathing is getting and knows Dean notices because their faces are so close together. Sam tilts his head so that he's breathing against Dean's neck and not in his face, but it doesn't make the desperate sound any less.

Sam can see the tight grin on Dean's face in the glow of the fire. Dean's trying to not get carried away with just going at it, he wants to know what he's doing is to Sam. He's also trying not to freak out over the fact it is Sam, his _brother_.

Sam feels Dean's hand slowly creeping up his thigh more, making his leg jerk in anticipation. He wants it. He wants it so bad, sober and one hundred percent willing.

Dean tilts his head the same way Sam did, brushing their lips together. This time it's Sam that laughs nervously because a kiss was intimate. A kiss was the oddest thing between them. He feels Dean's lips curve into a full smile and pressed against his face before Sam moves and their lips press together. Sam sighs, opens his mouth and lets their tongues great each other eagerly. 

Dean moves his hand to Sam's crotch then, fingers brushing over the seam of Sam's jeans. Even though the seam is thick and keeps from having the complete effect Sam's hips move and he grinds up to meet Dean's hand.

Sam moves his legs further apart than before and allows Dean to press his hand flat against his hardened length inside his jeans. Their lips part and Sam groans. Dean keeps Sam from falling back with his other arm still wrapped securely around him and glad Sam is at least trying to not put too much weight against him. Sam's head does fall back against Dean's arm though and it causes the older brother to smirk at the sight. The way his throat lays exposed now tempts Dean to lean down and nip at the flesh. Sam rewards him with a pleased sound. It seems since the night before Sam has learned Dean likes his partners noisy.

"So I kind of lied," Dean starts to whisper in Sam's ear as he rubs his hand back and forth over Sam's jeans, "I read the book and there might have been a couple of guys I have been into."

"You're such a dick," not that Sam seems to care at the moment.

"Speaking of dick," Dean pulls Sam's free from his jeans and boxers, fist tight around it and jerk his hand up and down so slowly that Sam hisses through his teeth at the teasing contact.

If only Sam could think to point out all the lame things Dean tends to say during these intimate times. He can't though and doesn't try. He just wonders how Dean ever keeps a girl in his bed. Of course, the more Dean's hand moves over him he's sure he knows how. Dean must know how to treat them as well.

Dean's thumb sweeps over the slit of Sam's dick and Sam out right moans. His hand clutches at Dean's jacket so hard the the material of it is rubbing roughly into his hand.

"That's right. Just let go and enjoy it."

Sam enjoys it. So very much and he feels Dean's fingers loosely move back down the length of him, trailing pre behind on their way down to the base.

"Feels good, right?"

"Yeah," his body does more talking than his words as his hips roll with the movements of Dean's hand, "so good."

He finds himself mumbling it a few more times and hears Dean whispering back to him in his ear. When Sam comes he shudders against Dean as his brother holds him up against his side.

Sam is sure he had come on his jeans and shirt, but that can be fixed later. Instead as soon as he catches his breath he sinks away from Dean's grasp and off the log they were sitting on to kneel in front of Dean. He pushes his brother's legs apart despite the protest Dean gives him at first.

"Sam..."

He trails off as Sam runs his tongue over the front of Dean's jeans with plenty of saliva to try and soak through the worn cloth. Dean wasn't even hard.

"Sammy," Dean groans because it's frustrating to him too. It really is considering Sam looks so damn willing to please and dirty as hell with what he's doing, but it wasn't reacting to his body the way his mind wished it would.

"I told you-"

"But I can try," Sam reaches for the button to Dean's jeans before he freezes. They are both caught off guard at a loud, shrill sound that an animal would make in pain. 

Their eyes match, both wide and surprised. They shouldn't be messing around on a hunt because now they are unprepared.

They both jump up, Sam lucky he moves so gracefully when sober since Dean's knee came so close to his chin. Sam is out of the way before it can happen and he's putting out the fire as soon as he's up. Dean gathers weapons and flash lights, tossing Sam's to him.

They are able to pull themselves together quickly in the situation at least and head out towards the big open clearing the noise came from. Most of the cattle had moved on towards the barn before night fall, but there were still some lingering and a few horses and goats along with them.

They reach where the noise came from, but all they find is a carcass of a cow, most of it eaten away. Sam turns away in disgust to try and swallow down the acid in his throat before looking back at it. There was no way something could have eaten a cow that fast.

"Dude, that's sick. I see dead bodies all the damn time, but when it's a half eaten animal it's grosser."

"Tell me about it," Sam agrees and steps further away, turning the flash light towards the opposite direction. They didn't even hear anything or see it run.

"Still think it's a werewolf?"

"Dunno. They are fast. You still think chupacabra?"

"Well... It's not just drinking the blood."

"Exactly."

They are at a loss and have no idea where this thing is. They start to head back when their flash lights both go out. 

"Okay... That hasn't happened before," Dean is quick to look behind them to see if there is a monster with foul play. 

Then it gets darker, a massive black cloud surrounding them and it's not their usual suspect. The air around them feels suffocating, but smells nothing like sulfur. The cloud is so thick it even blocks out the light of the half moon. 

"Dean?"

"Over here, Sam. Can you see anything?" Dean finds himself in the same situation. He sees nothing and knows nothing that is going on, gagging as he breathes in and finds it hard to follow Sam's voice.

"No," instead he's trying not to choke on the air. It's too much like smoke.

And then there's a noise.

It sounds like a stampede, but very close. Sam turns to try and find a way out of the cloud, but when he does a sudden pain goes trough him and when he looks down he sees something has been stabbed into his back an through the other side.

It's a horn and when he looks up all he sees is red and horns before his vision blurs completely. He feels another awful pain as the horn is yanked out of him and he feels vicious, sharp teeth at his side, trying to pull away flesh. 

"Sam?"

When there is no answer Dean starts to panic. He's going to lose it soon if he doesn't find Sam. He bumps into something, almost tripping over. He here's a groan and just knows it's Sam.

He drops down, hands all over and what his hand touches is wet and thick. Blood. Sam's bleeding.

"Sammy!" His brother is breathing, but Dean feels so much blood on him. Then as quickly as the black smoke came it clears and Dean's heart feels like it's being clutched tight.

Sam is bleeding so bad that it takes a minute for Dean to find the hole stabbed through Sam. He takes off his jacket and balls it up against the wound, holding it tight in place. 

"Sammy, come on. You're fine. You're fine. Just talk to me," Sam's eyes are open and that's the scariest part. They are open, but he's not responding, not looking at Dean. He's in shock. It's all Dean can think.

Blood has streamed a trail down Sam's chin and Dean hopes so hard that it's because Sam bit his cheek or a non vital part of his tongue and that it isn't internal bleeding. The place where Sam's wound is has Dean confused because suddenly he doesn't know how to deal with anatomy. He can't think.

Knowing he has to pull it together Dean calls for an ambulance and calls the owner of the land and then he prays to Cas (knowing it was pointless), prays to God, prays to any asshole in Heaven who gave a damn anymore. 

"Sammy... SAM!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weirder the hunt gets the more drama Dean finds.

Dean has so many problems with hospitals that being in one makes him not see straight. It's a constant anxiety eating away at him every time he and Sam end up badly hurt. 

After having a heart attack that one time he spent way too much time in one, dad died in one, and Bobby died in one. A place like this has him gripping at the edge, along with the painful, spiking fear that Sam might not be okay. He might never be okay again.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital Sam was rushed back into an operating room and the doctors left Dean standing outside the double doors in horror.

Everything was so rushed and Dean's brain still hasn't had time to get caught up. It's pounding and he's shaking. A nurse that had led him back to the room Sam is in comes over and hands him a cup of water, pushes him to sit down on the bench and to lean agains the wall or put his head between his knees. Something. 

"I need you to calm down. You're brother will need you when he pulls through," and she gives him a reassuring squeeze to the shoulder. 

They're not supposed to do that. Doctors and nurses are not supposed to give false hope, but she is here being kind before getting up and carrying on with her job. Dean watches after her before looking down into the cup of water and letting out a shaky breath. 

Sam is all he has, his everything. If his baby brother doesn't pull through Dean isn't sure how to keep going. Normally in these situations he wanted to hold his breath until the results were to come to him, or as much as he did when Bobby was in this situation. He didn't want to think straight to negative, but it is so hard not to when he is faced with the absolute realization.

It was hard when Bobby died... Sam is going to be so much worse and rather that time is now or later, Dean has to come to terms with it because they are hunters. They always risk dying. Always.

The entire family is gone and Cas too. Dean doesn't have Lisa to fall back on any longer. He has nothing. Nothing.

There's Sam. That's all there is and Dean wants to keep that forever. He needs Sam until they both reached the end, hopefully together, hopefully when they are old and of natural causes. It's doubtful, but giving up hope after coming this far was too painful.

Dean sits there for so long, he doesn't want to leave either. He doesn't want to walk away from the doors. He wants to be near in case some kind of news comes back about Sam.

It's four in the morning so the halls are empty except for the occasional nurse or doctor and sometimes they go in and out of the room Sam is in, but Dean doesn't ever manage to get a good look inside. He's glad he's pretty much alone. Dean doesn't feel like he can take much at that point with people passing him by. Those people probably could be dealing with something similar, but he wants to deal alone. 

It's an hour later and the nurse that had given him water and tried comforting him is back. She has her purse over her shoulder and he sees she's on her way home.

Dean actually looks at her and she is beautiful, young, but there's a look in her eyes that seems so old. She has a friendly air to her, but it's like her face can't catch up with how she's trying be nice. It's familiar to him. 

She inclines her head slightly, smiles in a way that shows she's not used to it. Dean is catching on. He gets it. But she does one unexpected thing, gives him a thumbs up, and leaves.

Okay...

Dean's eyes trail after her for a while. The second time he's caught himself doing it. This time for different reasons. She never looks back, but he can't look away.

That was an angel. He knows it. Why here though? Why did she reassure him Sam will be okay?

He hopes she didn't harm his brother, but she wouldn't have been so nice about it if so. Angels were blunt jackasses. They rub everything in. At least he wants to believe an angel didn't waltz it's ass up in there to harm Sam. 

It's several hours later when the nurses and surgeons leave the room. Dean looks up before the doctor comes over to him with a soft smile, "He just needs rest. We would like to keep him a few days to keep up with progress. He has a high temperature right now, but I expect it to go down in a few hours. His lung was punctured, but nothing fatal. It will heal as long as we keep infection out."

Dean nods as he takes in the doctors words, but unsure if this means Sam was good or not. He doesn't ask because doctors don't give straight answers like that.

"Can I see him?"

"We're going to move him to another room and then you can see him. He's going to be out for a while, but he'll be waking up."

Dean nods again, this time he really can't speak because he's not sure if he should say thank you or wait to see if this gets worse.

~.~.~.~

Sam's new room is decorated in a homey way. It's to try and make patients more comfortable or perhaps the people sitting at the patient's side hoping their loved ones will wake up.

The walls are a deep, dark green and the the rest of the room mixed with greens and light browns. It's not that bad really, but it looks like it would be more appealing to an older person than people their age.

Dean has one of the chairs in the room pulled up close to Sam's bed. He's resting his elbows on the side of the mattress and watching the steady rise and fall of Sam's chest and at least it's normal. He notices right off the signs of Sam waking up.

Sam groans, twisting around just slightly and opens his eyes to see Dean.

"Dean-" and then Sam lets out a gasp in pain and like he regrets speaking and using too much breath, but obviously the gasp hurt more than anything.

Dean frowns as he watches Sam's face contort with extreme pain and his fingers twist in the bed sheets.

"Yeah, your lungs are a little damaged there."

"Oh man," Sam groans and relaxes as much as he can onto his pillow, "ugh."

"Just chill, alright?" Dean pushes the button on Sam's bed to raise it for him to sit up some. He's sure it might help with the breathing a good deal and Sam actually looks a bit relieved once he gets over the pain of moving up.

"That thing bit me..."

"And put a hole in."

"Oh yeah," Sam remembers looking down to see the horn trough him. He thought he was going to die after that.

"Did you see it!? Did you stop it!?" Sam exerts too much breath asking, but he has to know.

"Nope. I didn't see a damn thing, Sam. Can you enlighten me a little?"

"It was a bull. A monster bull."

At that Dean's lips curve up a little and he almost chuckles, but Sam is hurt so he saves that last part, "a monster, cannibal bull?"

"Yeah, Dean. Cows have been known to eat each other."

Nerd.

"What did it look like?"

"I don't know... Red?"

"Like... Red, red or that brown that stupid people call red on animals?"

"Dean..." Sam does not enjoy having to correct everything his brother says and it's worse when he can hardly breath when talking. "Red... Kind of like red dirt, red."

"New Mexico sure has some weird monsters, hu?"

"I think it gets weirder the further south you go."

"I don't think you're in any shape to be running with the bulls," Dean jokes and nudges Sam's arm on the bed with his own as he smiles.

Sam returns the smile and shakes his head, "this sucks, man."

He turns his head to Dean again and looks like he wants to ask a question as he starts to sit up more. Dean knows right off what it's about and he pulls Sam's laptop from somewhere next to him and hands it over.

"I can at least find out what this thing is and be a little useful."

"You do that. I'ma... I need to go do something. I'll be right back," he says and stands from the chair.

Sam looks up at him while his laptop is loading with his face scrunched up like he can think of a million weird things Dean would be going to do in a hospital and then he frowns like he thinks Dean is going to check out a nurse, "for what?"

"I need to ask about something. I'll be right back," he tosses Sam an incredulous look before turning to leave.

Sam couldn't tell if the look Dean had given him meant his brother couldn't believe he would think that or because Dean was thinking Sam had 'become a girl, with girl feelings'.

Dean is not flirting though, despite the fact that he's leaning over the nurses station and giving a charming smile, "hey, can I ask you about something?"

The nurse looks up at him and she's an older one so she looks at him questionably like he's really trying to pull something and she couldn't believe he was trying to flirt with her, "how can I help you?"

Dean is glad she was one of the nurses that had came in before the possible angel had left. She had went in to see his bother during surgery and was there to instruct Dean how to help care for him when Sam was moved to the room.

"There was a nurse in here this morning. She left about four-"

"You mean Beatrice? I saw her talking to you outside your brother's surgery," she smiles fondly and Dean at least knows that the older nurse isn't going to rat 'Beatrice' out about being too kind.

"Uh, yeah. She actually works here? I mean... How long?"

"A couple of years," Dean notices the skeptical look she is giving him now for the odd questions.

"I... I know her. Used to know her anyway, has she changed at all?"

The woman shakes her head, "I've known her for five years, she lives right down the road from me. She's never changed since I've know her."

"Okay, thanks," Dean leaves quickly from the nurse, hoping she didn't think it too strange and wondering what the hell that angel was up to, if she even was one. She had to be though, he just felt it.

"There's an angel working here," Dean says as soon as he comes through the door.

Sam perks his head up from the laptop before trying to straighten himself completely, prepared to get out of there. 

"No, Sam. Don't get up," Dean sits down in the chair and sighs, "I don't think she's a bad guy and she's not here right now. It sounds like she's one of the angel rejects that ran out on Heaven. Been livin' down here for at least five years. I don't think it's been very long. She still has that awkward thing about her, like Cas."

"You talked to her?"

"I didn't realize it at first. You were in surgery and I was freaking out. She came out and gave me some water. Told me you'd be fine."

"Wait... She was in the room with me?"

"Yeah. She knew you'd be okay, but I don't know if she put some kind of weird healing mojo on you or what. Maybe something slow so the doctors won't notice while you are here."

"That's weird, Dean."

"Maybe she does it often? Feels some kind of weird compassion for humans like Cas."

"Would explain why she's working here. Could just be a chance meeting."

"I don't know and that's a problem," he shrugs. He looks over at Sam's laptop, "got anything?"

"Tauroi aithiopikoi."

"A what?"

"Ethiopian bull," he turns his head back to the screen as nods to the drawing, "Greek mythology. Supposedly weapons won't work on it."

"Awesome," Dean rolls his eyes, "what the hell is an Ethiopian bull doing in New Mexico? And we sure as hell ain't going to Ethiopia to find out. You'd be adopting every kid you see."

"Shut up, Dean," Sam shakes his head as he reads more, "I don't know why. It's a monster though and we've dealt with monsters from everywhere before." 

"Please tell me it's just a monster and there's not some kind of pagan god controlling it."

Sam doesn't answer, giving Dean a sheepish look and shrugging.

"Sam!"

"I don't know."

"So how do we kill it?"

"Make it angry... It 'chokes with rage'."

"You're kidding me?"

"I have no information from other hunters on what they do, Dean. I don't think this has happened in America before. Or even present times."

"I think someone is controlling this thing... Gotta be. Greek mythology? Any related gods?"

"Umm... Dionysus? Said to be the bull god. But he comes back in the form of a bull, not control them. This would be done by a maenad, a powerful, female follower of Dionysus."

"Okay, my brain hurts now," he slumps in the chair and stares at Sam.

"I don't think this has anything to do with a god."

"You say that now."

"Dean, I don't want you going out there alone," Sam has the most serious look on his face and he means it. It's a look Dean is on the receiving end of way too often.

"It can wait," Dean reassures him, "it's not like people are dying." He shrugs because he feels so sure of himself.

Except the next day people do die.

The night before there had been a couple of guys go out to protect their horses from this questionable beast. Sam and Dean over hears nurses talking about how one of the guys died in the field and the other was transported to the hospital before dying in surgery.

Things are getting rough on people's farms and they don't want to sit back as their life work goes to waist. 

So naturally Sam and Dean are arguing.

"I said I don't want you going out their alone!"

"You can't stop me Sam. You're all hooked up to machines and IVs. You're jacked up on pain meds. Most importantly, you have a hole through you."

"You can't just leave me in the hospital."

"Sam, there are people _dying_ and you used to care about that."

"And I still do!"

Dean frowns, tries to keep the worried look out of his eyes as Sam gasp and clutches his side in pain. Their arguing is wasting a lot of breath on bullshit.

"Then I'm going to stop this."

"And I'm coming with you," Sam is yanking sticky monitor cords off and pulling out the air hooked to go nose and Dean knows this is too much.

"No, you're not."

"I'll follow you, you know that."

"Sam! Then I'll sit here and let people die. Is that what you want?"

"No! I want us to save them. Together. And if you leave me in this hospital I am gone."

"What the hell are you talking about? You always come back anyway."

"If I go back to Amelia then I won't."

And that hits Dean like a freight train. A freight train followed by three more and a heard of elephants. He stares right at Sam, sees the anger there and thinks this is for real. He doesn't doubt Sam would substitute Amelia for him, especially since that means he can have a normal life. Dean can't do normal. He knows, if he wanted to he couldn't even give Sam normal because he needs hunting. He learned that with Lisa. Not to mention there is nothing normal about screwing around with his brother.

So Dean is out the door faster than Sam's apology comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so pulled a Kripke on that lore!
> 
> I have room for more editing to be done. I seriously need to check over the whole fic again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble and angels

4

The library is quite but that doesn't mean Dean doesn't have his thoughts buzzing around in his brain. He is sure he has read the same line over again twice. It doesn't matter though because everything says the same and Dean is sure he has enough info on the bull monster. 

Dig a hole. That's all that has to be done to stop it. He wonders why Sam didn't say that right off and guesses his brother was purposefully not giving him every detail in order to come along.

Dig a hole to trap the monster and let him get angry or whatever. 

Dean sighs before he pushes away from the desk. His phone vibrating in his pocket has been ignored too long he figures. 

On his way out the doors of the library, he finally reaches into his pocket to check his phone and frowns. 

The missed calls are from the hospital. That's not good. The message the hospital had left tells him Sam went missing. 

"Shit!" Of course. Sam was as hard headed as Dean and what would Dean do if he were in Sam's situation? He knows his brother; knows he's probably out there looking for that damn bull.

All thought of Sam doing something to hurt him and leaving for Amelia is gone. Now Dean just wants Sam safe and alive so he rushes to his car to head out to the fields in search for Sam.

~.~.~.~.~

When Dean reaches the edge of town and sees an old, beat up truck he knows it was Sam's way of getting there. It was just perfect that there was so much over brush and forest around the inside of the fence. He grinds his teeth down, annoyed that there is a lot to hide in down in the cow paster. The only thing running through his head is to get to Sam before the monster.

Dean grabs a flash light and wonders through the trees quietly to listen for Sam or for anything that can kill him. Just as he starts to feel like he's walked five miles into the woods with nothing he hears the crunch of leaves and branches along with steps too big to be Sam's.

He goes still as he listens. 

"Dean!"

And then Dean's throat goes dry because that is a warning. Yeah, he's found Sam, but obviously the monster has found him.

Dean has to turn around, face this thing, and it all feels like slow motion. When he gets turned around there is the dark clouded fog with the red beast stomping through it, but then before everything goes black for him there is a blinding light and he knows he has to close his eyes.

He can not help the fact that he may be shaking when he finally opens his eyes slowly and finds himself hunched over on the ground with Sam standing ten feet behind him and a familiar woman in front of him, her hand still held out.

He's pretty speechless and apparently Sam is too because he has yet to form a word properly.

"You're..." Dean watches as the nurse from the hospital moves away from him and over to Sam (his brother is actually clutching at his side and breathing pretty heavy) and heals him. She just touches him and Dean sees that Sam is physically feeling a thousand times better, but watching the angel so close like she'll just turn around and kill him herself.

She turns her head and gives Dean a lopsided smile, "the nurse from the hospital? An angel? Yes. I will not hurt either of you though. I've been on earth a lot longer than the rebellion in Heaven has been going on."

"Why are you helping us?" Sam backs away from her to get space and glances between her and Dean like someone has to have the answers.

"Because I know who you are and I know you've helped Castiel."

"You're on his side, right?"

"Yes, there are a few of us who are. I found you, but could not find him. You, know where he is?"

She looks dead at Dean because she knows he's the reason why Castiel rebelled.

"Yeah, tough luck on that one," Dean replies and tries to ignore how Sam winces at the answer. Dean finally stands up fully and looks over the angel, really hoping he can trust her.

"We were kind of stuck in purgatory. Ask him why he didn't want to come with me... I can't give you a better answer."

Dean doesn't like the look Sam gives him. He made himself a liar and he knows it. He didn't actually say the words, 'Cas, is dead,' but he didn't deny it either.

"Then we will retrieve him."

"You'll... What? Angels can't get out."

"It may take all of your life time, but we will fight to get him out. Castiel may not be worth much to most, but he started something we want finished. I am on his side and I do believe in him."

Dean just wishes he could say something in return, but he's lost on words and she vanishes before he's able to speak.

It grows quiet after that between the brothers. The only sounds are that of nature, crickets off in the distance and other bugs Dean really doesn't care to know the name of.

He just stays there and listens for a long time without turning to look at Sam. What was there to say even? 

'I'm glad you are alive and well, now go leave me.'

The longer and longer he wonders if Sam is going to say anything he feels like there is something cold running in his blood. He hates it.

"What are you going to do now Dean? Leave me? Never speak to me again? Why aren't you saying anything?" Sam went from silent to hysterical in less than five seconds.

Dean finally turns, eyes wide, "you said you were going to leave! I'm right here, Sam. I'm not sure what more you want from me, but you're the one threatening some bullshit.

"We said we weren't going to let this get between us!" Dean gestures with his hands to Sam and then to himself, "you can't be bringing shit like that up, Sam. This isn't going to work."

"Yes I can and yes it will," and Sam seems less hysterical but now he isn't making any sense to Dean.

"What-"

"Even if nothing had happened between us, this thing we established, I could have used the same threat and you would be reacting just like this.

"Nothing has changed between us. We may be expressing how badly we want each other, but we have always acted like this. And honestly, I think in a way it makes it better."

Sam sighs, takes a step forward towards Dean, who's hands are still paused with disbelief in mid-air.

"I shouldn't have said that Dean and I didn't mean it. I swear I didn't and you know that deep down."

"You want a normal life, Sam..." Dean internally flinches on himself because he sounds so damn broken.

"I want..." It's true, Sam wants a normal life. He wants a lot of things, but he knows what he can have and will take it. He's taking Dean over the normal life he had set for himself. He had a choice, "I want you, Dean. We are always going to fight, so? Everyone does. I'm glad! Do you want to be a mushy, love struck couple?"

"No..." Dean relaxes, his shoulders slumping and his hands finally falling to his sides.

"Nothing's changed. Except we finally allowed our true feelings for each other to show. That's all, Dean. And I'm not leaving. I guess you're not leaving," he shrugs.

Dean actually smiles, "how is that, Sammy? You in love with your big brother?"

Sam narrows his eyes, but Dean just swings his arm around Sam's neck, brings his head lower to him as he starts to walk them back to the Impala, "that's cool, we've always been pretty taboo."

~.~.~.~.~

"So..." Dean starts, his voice holding the edge of his teasing voice.

Sam looks up with a feeling Dean might try to mention something embarrassing or totally unnecessary.

"That was hot... when we were camping out. I didn't, you know, expect you to do something like that out of nowhere."

Sam doesn't have to ask. Dean means the whole getting on his knees and mouthing at him thing. Sam looks away and regrets that action. It only lead to disappointment on not getting Dean off, him looking like he was desperate, and a distraction that hurt their hunting process (and himself).

"It was..." he trails off with all the details of how he'd like it any other time when Sam's posture changed in his seat. It was a clear sign Sam wasn't hearing what he wanted, "look sex between us, I know it's going to have its awkward times and all and sometimes not so great times as well... Shit we're hunters Sammy, we always have to expect something when we are most vulnerable."

Sam turns in time to see Dean shrugging off his speech before it got too 'lame' to take back. He nods his head and smiles when they meet eyes, "next time we focus on the hunt. We both know we'll have time for other things later... if you can get it up."

"Now you've got jokes?" Dean rolls his eyes and slouches back in his chair.

Sam swears there's something about Dean's eyes that makes him more alluring than most when giving that 'come hither' look. And while it feels strange to be at the receiving end of it for the first time he finds it easy to feel tempted.

"I'm not going to deny you anything either way." It is said so seriously that it adds to the building tension for Sam.

"What about-"

"I can't work under stressful situations, so what?"

"Now?"

"Try me."

And Sam is so ready to try.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex.

They make it to a motel before they go completely crazy for one another.

Sam is practically vibrating in his skin once they are inside and situated, each doing what they had to after a long ride. Now Sam is standing in the middle of the room, eyes on Dean and never leaving.

Sam just standing there has something predatorily about it, but the look on his face says something different, he's nervous, but that's fine because so is Dean.

The oldest Winchester starts to strip and he does it slowly while looking right at his brother's face. It's a deliberate move to get Sam to do the same. He does, he follows suit just as Dean gets his undershirt off.

They both get into the bed after they are stripped down to nothing but their underwear. It's silent, but it wasn't what either of them would call uncomfortable. If anything it was different, different but calming.

Dean leans over him and Sam watches the curve of his shoulder as he does. His eyes are glued to the muscle movement and skin stretching before Dean's lips are on the corner of his own and he turns his head enough to catch them.

Their mouths barely even open and Sam already moans between them. Dean is such the initiator, but it was Sam wanting to try and get Dean off. He owes him, or so he feels like he does.

Building up the nerve and courage takes a little longer than Sam wants, makes the kissing slow down and Dean pull away to look back at Sam with a questioning look. Sam shakes his head to silently say nothing is wrong before he places his hand on Dean's shoulder and pushes him back against the bed. 

Dean's mouth opens as if to say something, but he's lost with words and not sure how to react to Sam taking the reins on this one.

It's different than when they were drunk because up until this point Sam had seemed to not be sure of doing these things with him, but now... Now Dean is clutching at the back of Sam's head and his fingers are tangled in his hair as Sam's mouth works at his neck.

It's all so slow, but Dean isn't desperate he's just getting exactly what he needs. Assurance. Sam is his and he is Sam's. It was obvious to everyone else but now they are getting it. Now he is finally seeing. Both of them are.

Sam's teeth drag over Dean's collarbone and his breath catches in his throat, "oh god," and it's almost a slur, his mind numbed down and all he can think is what he wants Sam to do or what he wants to do to Sam.

Dean's hand moves from the tangled spot in Sam's hair to the middle of his back, nails scrapping along the toned lines. Yeah, that was different from a woman but it didn't even freak him out a little.

There's no protest from Dean, instead he tilts his head back into the pillow and finds himself fighting to keep from squirming away from Sam's touch. His skin is super sensitive now and he's beyond turned on. Sam's mouth is all over his abdomen and finding all those right spots.

Dean always did find it a wonderful gift to be so sensitive to light touch and did not care one bit that Sam was exploiting that.

Sam rests his forehead on Dean's hip, his eyes following the movement of his own hand as he lightly strokes his fingers over Dean's thigh. 

Dean moves his leg away as he takes Sam's hint that he wants his legs spread and sighs as Sam's fingers sweep over the sensitive skin of the inside of his thigh. Dean knows Sam isn't deliberately trying to tease him but he jerks his hips surrendering any resolve he has when Sam moves his fingers closer to the joint of his leg and hip.

"Sammy, please..." at that Sam moves his hand from Dean's thigh to grip the hard form outlined Dean's underwear. Dean sighs in relief and rolls his hips to feel the friction of Sam's hand. 

Dean sits up enough to push Sam's hand out of the way and slip his underwear off and toss them to the side. Sam is watching the movement, eyes following everything and then resting on his dick once there's nothing hiding it. Dean is pretty positive Sam has never looked this hard at one that wasn't his own or this close. Dean's self esteem runs deeper than caring about someone checking him out naked though so he decides to put on a show for Sam. He wraps his own hand around him to stimulate himself. That's when Sam finally moves his eyes from Dean's work to meet his brother's eyes.

Dean hadn't seen that look on Sam's face since they were kids. It was a look of absolute admiration. It was to the highest extent and Dean almost faltered in going through with this. Almost.

Sam reassures Dean's previous enthusiasm when he removes his boxers. Dean wasn't about to deny Sam was way more toned than himself and he sure as hell didn't care that Sam might have been slightly more endowed. He was going to admire it and not take it personally. Sam obviously didn't care.

So what if they are checking each other out. Dean feels like he didn't get a good enough look before. Being tipsy only meant sex was on the brain more than details. Dean did remember how Sam felt in his hand though, especially since that's happened twice now. 

He smiles at Sam, it's wicked like he will forever jack off to the idea of touching Sam. His brother doesn't ask questions, just smiles back before he leans forward and their lips meet briefly.

When Dean pulls away he moves back from Sam and looks down at the bed. He's trying to figure out how to go about this thing they are doing, wonders which would be the best way and the most comfortable for the both of them. 

Dean is seriously just thinking about laying down and letting Sam have this one, but Sam moves first. 

Dean swallows roughly at the sight of Sam's finger in his mouth and looking into his eyes. Then Sam leans over, keeping his weight on his knees and one palm pressed into the mattress, his other hand slipped between his legs as he leans further down to reach.

Sam slips his finger into himself and goes straight to working it in and out. Dean is crossed between watching Sam's hand and wanting to see his face. He settles to give a good look to see Sam's expression, one that looks pleasantly surprised by the feeling he is giving to himself.

Dean wants inside Sam so bad, but doesn't want to risk hurting him. He convinces himself that his own finger is good enough until his brother is stretched open enough for him. He moves behind Sam and slides it right along with Sam's. The squeeze is actually a bit harder than he thought it would be, but in the end Sam moans. It's a sound that Dean just wants to hear over and over again.

Dean gets two fingers in and Sam gives up doing it himself, instead he takes to rocking himself back against Dean's fingers and moans low in his throat.

When Dean gets past the point of spreading his fingers apart and stretching, Sam pulls away first. He turns over and looks up at Dean with a lopsided grin. Sam is breathing pretty hard, but it's shakes from being nervous more than sex driven. A glance down to see he's still hard makes it obvious he still isn't wanting it any less.

"So..." he stops and clears his throat, feeling pretty ridiculous for sounding so out of it, "you going to fuck me or just stare."

Dean wants to fuck Sam, he really, really wants to. Dean doesn't want to push his luck in seeing what would happen is he were to keep looking. He leans over Sam and lines himself along his brother's body without pressing down to hard. He kisses Sam slowly as he rocks his hips into Sam's.

The action Dean pulls is a mess and he doesn't really get what he was aiming to do, but his dick does slide along Sam's in the end and it feels damn good.

Dean would have gone on rubbing himself against Sam if it weren't for Sam's hand going to his dick and directing him to a better place. Dean takes the lead as Sam removes his hand and instantly groans as tight, tight heat press around him.

"Shit... you are so fucking tight, Sammy."

The feeling of Dean inside of him has him shaking and it does hurt a bit, but Dean's unintentional dirty talk has his dick leaking more precum than before and it's rubbing against Dean's belly as his brother starts to move.

"Do you like that, Dean? ...me being tight?"

"So much better than any girl," despite how tight he is, there's plenty of reasons Dean could mention that make it better, but now is not the time to talk like that and Sam already knows how Dean feels about him.

Sam is flexible and all long legs. He has them high up on Dean's waist in seconds and has Dean going in all the way. Not every thrust hit his prostate, but enough that all he can do is shake and hold on until he is coming. It gets all over Dean's stomach that acted as a perfect stimulant. Sam thinks Dean would be the one to complain about the mess after, but he feels proud of himself like he was marking Dean his.

When Dean finally comes as well he proves Sam wrong and doesn't complain about any mess. Instead, he lays down next to Sam with their sides pressed together. Neither went to wrapping their arms around each other, they were comfortable like this, their sides brushing as they both breath, arms pressed so close together that Sam ended up resting his on Dean's side anyway despite the 'none cuddling'.

They didn't have to say anything because Dean believes Sam isn't ever leaving him for Amelia and Sam knows Dean believes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. 
> 
> To make request find me on tumblr sheolgehenna


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